


Be Careful What You Wish For

by leeanndarling



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Angst, Character Death?, M/M, Self Harm, Suicide, happy ending I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:09:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeanndarling/pseuds/leeanndarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And yeah, sometimes Harry wishes he was never born so he didn’t have to watch Louis suffer for as long as he did, but then he realizes how selfish he’s being and quickly pushes the though from his mind. However, when Harry’s wish comes true, he gets to see exactly how much he affected Louis’s life and how true the statement “You saved me, Harry” actually was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Careful What You Wish For

**Author's Note:**

> So I got the prompt “What if you were never born?” from a prompt generator on google and this popped into my head. This is honestly the longest one-shot I’ve ever written. So I hope you like it? Couldn’t think of a better name, sorry. Feedback is always nice :)
> 
> Word count: 5,239
> 
> Trigger warnings: Mentions of sexual and physical abuse and cutting. Brief self-harm scene.

Louis Tomlinson hasn’t always had an easy life. Physically and sexually abused by his step father for years, Louis finally felt hope when he met Harry Styles on a Saturday afternoon and the local park. Harry was 11 and Louis was 13. Harry noticed a bruise on Louis’s arm and innocently asked where it came from. Louis didn’t know what to say, so he ran. He ran until he couldn’t breathe, but Harry was right behind him.

“Louis, why’d you run?” Harry asked, more than a little breathless. “I just asked a question.”

“I’m sorry, please don’t be mad,” Louis begged. Harry took a step towards him and he flinched.

“I’m not mad,” Harry frowned. “I just wanted to know where the bruise came from. Did you fall?”

“Y-yeah, I fell,” Louis muttered. Harry’s eyebrows furrowed. It was obvious Louis was lying. “Look, Harry, I’ve got to go. I told my mum I’d be home for dinner. I’ll see you later!”

“Yeah, see you later,” Harry muttered as he watched the smaller boy run in the direction they had just come from.

Harry didn’t see Louis for two more weeks.

Harry was leaning against a tree, body relaxed and eyes closed. He didn’t noticed when Louis sat down next to him.

“I didn’t fall,” Louis whispered.

Harry jumped and opened his eyes. “Jesus Christ, Louis, you sca-“ He stopped when he looked up at Louis.

There were silent tears falling down his face. He had more bruises on his arms now. His lip was busted and there was a bruise forming on his jaw.

“Louis, what happened to you?”

“Look, I can’t tell you,” Louis said, “I wish I could.”

“But you can,” Harry said, confusion evident in his voice.

Louis shook his head. “I really can’t. Please, just… trust me on this. I can’t tell you what happened, but I can tell you I didn’t fall.”

Harry nodded in acceptance and opened his arms. Louis crawled his way into Harry’s lap and let himself cry until it was time for him to go home.

They met at the park every Saturday afternoon and Louis always had a new bruise, but he stopped making excuses for them.

It was three months after they had first met that Louis finally got the courage to tell Harry the truth. He walked up to Harry slowly, limping slightly because of his step-father. He could see the worry and the pain in Harry’s eyes.

“Hey, Lou,” Harry said softly. “How are y-“

“It’s my dad,” Louis interrupted. Harry tilted his head in confusion. “Well, my step-dad.”

“Huh?” Harry asked.

“My step-dad is the reason for the bruises, Harry,” the older boy whispered.

“He… He hits you?”

Louis laughed humorlessly. “I wish it was just hitting.”

“What do you… Oh, oh, oh my gosh. How long has this been going on?”

Louis looked down. “Since I was seven.”

“Seven? But Louis, you’re almost fourteen!”

“I know.” Louis’s voice was barely audible.

“Lou, you have to tell someone, the cops, a teacher, someone!”

“No!” Louis said quickly. His eyes widened. “No. I’m not supposed to tell anyone. I shouldn’t have told you, but I couldn’t lie anymore. Harry, please. Promise you won’t tell anybody.”

“But Lou-“

“Promise.”

Harry sighed. “I promise.”

At that point, Harry couldn’t help himself anymore. He put his hand on the back of Louis’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. It was short, but it was all the promise Louis needed. They smiled at each other.

“I have to go,” Louis mentioned.

“No, please don’t,” Harry begged. “Come over to my house, spend the night, something to get you away from him.”

“Harry, I can’t,” Louis reminded him. “I’ll see you next week.” Louis could still see the panic in Harry’s eyes. He leaned forward and pecked Harry on the lips. “I’ll be fine, Curly.”

Harry smiled. “Bye, Lou.”

Louis knew something bad was going to happen as soon as he saw his step-dad’s car in the driveway. He was never home this early. Louis hesitated at the door before taking a deep breath and walking in.

“Well, well, well,” he heard from the living room. He stopped as his step-dad walked into the hallway. “My step son is a faggot. Big surprise there.” He rolled his eyes. Louis’s eyes widened and he took a step back when his step-dad walked towards him. “You think I didn’t see you kissing your little boyfriend in the park today?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Kevin,” Louis protested. “He’s just some kid I met at the park, I swe-“

Louis was cut off when his step-father’s hand collided with his face. He yelped in shock.

“You know I don’t like it when you lie to me, Louis,” Kevin spat. “He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”

“No, he’s not!” Louis said quickly. “He’s just some kid that comes to the park every weekend. Today was the first time we kissed. I promise!”

“No surprise, really,” Kevin laughed harshly. “Always suspected you were gonna be a little faggot.”

“Stop using that word,” Louis said through gritted teeth. Kevin raised his fist and it hit the side of Louis’s face. He fell against the wall.

“Don’t you ever get an attitude with me, you faggot,” he hissed the word.

Louis whimpered and curled in on himself. “Yes sir.”

-0-

Harry felt like his room was closing in on him. He needed fresh air and he needed it now. He ran downstairs, tripping a little from his lack of sleep, and asked his mum if he could go to the park again.

“You never go on Sundays,” Anne mentioned with a raised brow. “Any particular reason?”

Harry’s cheeks flushed and he looked down. “Just need some fresh air, that’s all.”

Anne’s eyebrow stayed raised, but she nodded. “Just be back in time for lunch.”

He kissed her cheek and ran out the door. “Thanks, mum!”

“My step-dad is the reason for the bruises, Harry,” Louis’s voice ran through his mind and his eyes immediately filled with tears. Harry stopped in his tracks when he saw Louis sitting on a bench in the middle of the park. A lady who looked about the same age as his mum was sitting next to him. It was Jay, Harry assumed. Louis always talked good about his mum, so Harry saw no reason to dislike her.

Louis looked up and their eyes locked. Harry’s smile fell when he saw the new bruise beside Louis’s eye. He started to walk towards the bench, but Louis shook his head ever so slightly and looked over to his right. Harry followed his look and immediately narrowed his eyes. Some guy, who Harry assumed to be Louis’s step-dad, was standing there talking on his cell phone. A little girl with blonde hair and eyes almost a blue as Louis’s ran up to him. He crouched down so she could whisper in his ear. He smiled softly then turned to Louis, his smile disappearing.

“Louis!” he called out. Louis stood quickly and ran over to them. “Take Lottie to the bathroom.” He shoved Louis forward a bit.

“Y-yes sir,” Louis stuttered. “Come on, sweetie.” Louis grabbed her hand and they walked towards the small brick building on the other side of the park. He caught Harry’s eyes again and motioned for him to follow.

Harry didn’t follow directly behind Louis, no. He took a different path and got there a little quicker.

“I’m gonna go in and wash my hands really quickly, OK, love?” Louis asked. “Don’t come out until I knock on the door like this.” He demonstrated and Lottie nodded.

“Just like usual, right?” she asked softly. Louis smiled sadly.

“Just like usual.”

Once Lottie was in the girls’ toilet, Louis quickly made his way into the boys’.

“I take it that was your step-dad,” Harry commented. “And I’m guessing he did this?” He gently ran his fingers over Louis’s new bruise.

Louis nodded. “He got off work early and drove by the park. He, uh, he saw us kiss.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Harry felt his stomach drop. “Oh my god, Lou, this is all my fault.” He pulled Louis in for a hug. “I’m so sorry, Louis, I’m so so sorry.”

“Harry, none of this is your fault,” Louis corrected. “If anything, it’s my fault for being too much of a wimp to get help.”

I can help you, Harry wanted to say, but he kept that thought to himself as Louis gave him an apologetic look and left the toilets.

The pattern continued for four years. They still met at the park every Saturday. Louis still had a new bruise every time, and more often than not, he was limping a bit. They still shared soft kisses, but never talked about relationships. It wasn’t until Louis showed up with stitches in his cheek that Harry lost it.

“Louis, I can’t stand by and watch this happen to you anymore!” Harry almost yelled. “I just can’t. It’s tearing me apart to see how much he’s hurting you. I know you’re hurting and I know you’re scared to tell, but can’t you see how much this is hurting me, too, Louis? You’re my best friend and I’m watching this guy beat the shit out of you and I’m tired of it!”

Louis had tears in his eyes and he looked down. Harry immediately felt bad.

“Louis, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to blow up on you-“

“You’re right,” Louis interrupted. “You’re right, Harry. You shouldn’t have to watch this happen and I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Harry said softly. He grabbed Louis’s hand. “Please, Lou. Let me tell my mom. Her friend words for social services and we can get you help. We can get you away from him.”

“But I have nowhere to go,” Louis whispered.

Harry lifted Louis’s chin and kissed him softly. “You can come stay with me. I’ll talk to my mom, OK?”

Louis didn’t answer for a while. They sat in silence, Harry stroking Louis’s arm every so often. Louis stood to leave, but he turned to Harry first and took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

Harry ran home as fast as he could. He threw the door open and ran into the kitchen, scaring his mum.

“Harry, what’s-“

“I need your help,” Harry said. “I need you to listen.”

Anne could see the desperation in her son’s eyes and led him to the kitchen table. “Is it about Louis?”

Harry nodded. Anne knew about Louis, but she had never met him. She knew that her son had a huge crush on him and might even be in love with him, but she never said anything. Louis had never come around. If Harry saw him in public, he never said anything until they got home.

“He’s in trouble,” Harry said. He raised his hand when Anne went to talk. “Mum, please, just listen all the way through, okay?” Anne nodded. “He’s in trouble and he needs help. He’s needed help for a while, but he’s been too scared to ask. He needs to get out of his house, mum, he really does. He needs to get away from his step-dad, especially, but his mum, too, because she does nothing to help him and he needs help, he needs it, but I’m the only person who can get him help and I’m really worried about him and-“ Harry cut off to breathe and wipe the tears from his cheeks. His mum pulled him towards her and wrapped her arms around him. “He’s hurt, mum. His step-dad hurts him. A lot. And he has been for a while, and I’ve known, and I should’ve said something, but I was only eleven when I found out and Louis begged me not to say anything, so I didn’t and-“

“Calm down, baby, calm down,” Anne said. “Breathe. Eleven? Harry, this has been going on for four years and you’re just now saying something?”

“Longer, actually,” Harry admitted quietly. “It’s been happening since he was seven.”

“And how old is he now?”

“Seventeen,” Harry breathed. Realization hit him and he started sobbing. “Ten years, mum. His step-dad has been raping and abusing him for ten years! Please, mum, please, call your friend that works for social services or something. Help him. Please!”

Anne was already pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. “It’s gonna be OK, sweetheart, we’re gonna help him.”

When Anne hung up, Harry spoke again.

“I also told him he could stay here,” he said sheepishly. “I think that might have been part of the reason he agreed to get help. Is that… Is that OK?”

Anne smiled softly and nodded. “That’s perfectly fine, darling.”

Four days later, Louis was standing nervously at Harry’s doorstep with his suitcase and duffle bag. He knocked twice and stepped back quickly. Harry yanked the door open and quickly pulled Louis in for a hug, causing him to drop his stuff. He wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and pulled him closer.

“Harry, bring him inside,” Anne called from the kitchen. “It’s freezing out there! You two are going to catch a cold!”

Fear filled Louis’s eyes. Harry pressed their lips together firmly.

“Lou, calm down,” Harry whispered against his lips. “It’s OK. You’re safe here. Nobody will ever hurt you again.”

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and followed him inside. He left his stuff at the bottom of the stairs.

“So this is the famous Louis I’ve heard so much about,” Anne smiled. She took a small step forward and opened her arms. Louis glanced up at Harry, who nodded, before falling into Anne’s open arms. “Everything’s alright now, darling,” she whispered. “You’re safe and you always will be here.”

“Thank you,” Louis said, his voice thick with emotion. “Thank you both so much.”

“You’re welcome, Lou,” Harry replied. He wrapped his arms around Louis’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. “You wanna go upstairs and unpack before lunch?”

Louis nodded and started walking towards the stairs.

“I feel bad for not doing this before,” Harry whispered.

“Harry, you’re only fifteen,” Anne mentioned. “You’re not superman.”

Harry met Louis at the bottom of the stairs and they walked up together.

“You can unpack your clothes and stuff in the guest room, but you don’t actually have to sleep in there,” Harry mentioned.

“What do you mean?” Louis asked.

“I mean, you can sleep in my room, if you want,” Harry explained shyly. “If you don’t want to be alone or whatever, you can sleep in my room. Or you can sleep in the guest room, it really doesn’t matter, but-“

Louis cut Harry’s rambling off with a small kiss. “I’d love to sleep in your room. Let’s go.” He abandoned the unpacked suitcase and tugged on Harry’s hand. Harry led him to his bedroom. Louis rubbed his arms.

“You cold?” Harry asked.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Louis insisted.

Harry jogged over to his closet and pulled out one of his jumpers. “Put this on.” He tossed it at Louis, who pulled it on quickly.

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist, his head on Harry’s chest. He squeezed a little.

“That tickles,” Harry said. Louis squeezed again and they collapsed on the bed in a fit of giggles.

They lay there, facing each other, but not saying anything. Louis traced Harry’s cheekbones with the tips of his fingers. He started to run his hands through Harry’s hair.

“Are we more than friends?” Louis asked suddenly. He blushed and continued. “I mean, like, are you my boyfriend? I mean, we hug and kiss a lot.”

“I don’t know,” Harry responded. “Do you want me to be your boyfriend?”

“I’d really like that,” Louis admitted. “I’d like that a lot.”

Harry leaned forward and kissed Louis for the third time that day. “Then yes, I’m your boyfriend.”

They stayed there, completely silent, sharing sweet kisses. They only moved when they heard Anne say that dinner was ready. Louis started to take off Harry’s jumper, but Harry stopped him.

“It looks good on you.”

They walked to the kitchen, hand in hand. Louis went to pull his hand away, but Harry squeezed it to let him know it was okay.

Anne asked a few questions, but nothing too serious. Hobbies, favorite movies, just the little things. Louis answered all of them quietly, still a little nervous. Harry rubbed his knee under the table to calm him.

Things were fine until Louis reached for the salt. His hand knocked it over and the lid came off. Not much spilled, but there was a small pile on the table. Louis’s face paled. His eyes filled with tears and panic. He started babbling.

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll clean it up, I’m sorry I just-“

Harry put his hand on Louis’s cheek. Louis flinched hard and fell off the chair.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Harry crouched down in front of Louis and wiped his tears.

“Lou, babe, it’s okay,” Harry whispered. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Breathe for me, Louis. Breathe.”

“You’re not going to hit me?” Louis asked pathetically.

“Oh, god, no,” Harry assured. “No no no, Lou. I will never hit you.”

“But I made a mess.”

“So? I make messes all the time. Just wipe it up and move on with life. It’s fine. Lou, we’re never going to hurt you, okay?”

Louis sniffed and nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, really,” Harry said. He pulled Louis back into his chair and kissed his cheek.

Anne watched silently, smiling at her son. She didn’t mention the cheek kiss or the kiss on the lips she saw before they left the kitchen.

That night, Louis shyly asked if Harry would shower with him.

“I just don’t want to be alone,” Louis explained. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Harry agreed, of course, and he undressed Louis slowly in the bathroom. He left lingering kisses on Louis’s shoulders. He saw scars on Louis’s stomach. He reached out to rub them. They showered quickly, never going farther than a kiss. Louis put on Harry’s jumper and a pair of his sweatpants before he crawled in bed beside Harry. He cuddled into the younger boy’s side, sighing happily.

“Those scars aren’t from Kevin,” Louis said suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

“The scars on my stomach aren’t from Kevin,” Louis repeated nervously. “They’re from… Well, I did that to myself.”

Harry’s breath hitched in his throat and his voice came out broken. “Lou.”

“It’s nothing, Haz,” Louis said dismissively.

“Nothing?” Harry stammered. “Nothing? Louis, that is most definitely not nothing. Louis, promise me you’ll never do that again. Promise me you’ll come to me if you need to talk.”

“I promise. Sorry, Harry.”

“Don’t apologize, just don’t do it ever again.”

Things were silent before, “You saved me, Harry.”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked quietly.

“I don’t think I could’ve lived much longer in that house,” Louis whispered back. “You saved me and I can’t thank you enough.”

Harry slipped his hand under the jumper Louis was wearing and rubbed circles on his stomach. Louis fell asleep quickly, but Harry stayed up to think. That’s all he could do to keep himself from going crazy. He thought about Louis’s smile and all the good things in life.

Their life became shared kisses and secret showers together, although they were pretty sure Anne knew, she just never spoke of it. It was routine. Louis slowly became used to the idea that they weren’t going to hurt him. He only got nervous when Harry would leave him alone with Anne.

Harry had promised to go to the movies with his friend Niall. He told Louis to come along, but Louis politely declined. He went into the kitchen as soon as Harry left and looked for stuff to make tea.

“Need help finding something, Louis?”

Anne’s voice made him jump and drop the mug he was holding, which then shattered on the ground.

“I’m sorry,” he squeaked. “I’ll clean it up, I’m sorry-“

“Louis, don’t move,” Anne said semi sternly. “There’s glass all around your feet and you aren’t wearing shoes.”

“I know, and it’s my fault, and I’m so sorry,” Louis said quickly.

“It’s okay, Louis, I just don’t want you to get glass in your foot. Hop up on the counter.” He quickly did as she said. She grabbed the broom and swept the glass pieces up and dumped them in the trash. “There. All better.”

“Oh my gosh, Anne, I’m so sorry,” he babbled. “I didn’t mean to break the mug, I really didn’t, I’m sorry.”

Anne put her hand on Louis’s knee which caused him to flinch backwards. He hit his head on the cabinet and groaned.

“Louis, are you OK?” Anne asked frantically.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “I’m fine.”

“I’m going to get you some pain medicine, okay, love?” she said. She didn’t give him time to respond before leaving the room.

The front door opened. “I’m home!”

Harry walked into the kitchen. “Louis? Lou-“ He quickly ran over to where Louis was crying on the counter. “Louis, are you okay? What happened?”

“I’m fine,” Louis said again with a small smile. “I broke a mug and kind of freaked out a bit. Hit my head on the cabinet, but I’m fine.”

“Awe, babe, do you want me to get you some medicine?”

“Already have it,” Anne announced. She placed the pills in Louis’s hand and placed a bottle of water next to him. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. And I’m sorry about the mug, Anne, I really-“

“Oh, stop,” she chuckled. “It’s not a problem, Lou. Harry’s broken more cups than I can count.”

Harry rolled his eyes. Louis giggled. “Thanks, mum.”

She kissed them both on the cheek and left the room.

“Wanna go up to our room?” Harry asked.

Louis would never admit it, but he still got butterflies when Harry called it their room. Technically, Louis’s room was the guest bedroom, but he rarely ever slept in there, only twice since he moved in four months ago.

Harry carried Louis up the stairs and gently placed him on the bed. Louis pulled him down. He rolled over to straddle the younger boy’s hips and kissed him. His tongue swiped over Harry’s lips and Harry gave in. Louis kissed down Harry’s jaw and to his neck, sucking lightly.

“Harry,” he said breathlessly, “Harry, I think I love you.”

“Good,” Harry commented. “Because I love you, too.”

And yeah, sometimes Harry wishes he was never born so he didn’t have to watch Louis suffer for as long as he did, but then he realizes how selfish he’s being and quickly pushes the though from his mind.

The next time the thought pops back up is on Louis’s 18th birthday. Louis is shocked when he wakes up to breakfast in bed served by a very excited Harry. Harry kissed him.

“Happy birthday, Louis!” Harry shouted. Anne chuckled from the doorway. Louis’s eyes brimmed with tears and Harry was quickly worried. “Lou, you okay?”

“Happy tears,” Louis assured. “It’s just… My birthday wasn’t really celebrated at home because it’s so close to Christmas.”

“Louis, your birthday could be on Christmas and we’d still celebrate it,” Harry commented. “It’s your 18th! We’re doing something today. Anything you want. Pick.”

“Can we… Can we go bowling?” Louis asked timidly.

Harry looked back at his mum, who smiled. “You two eat and get dressed. Let me know when you’re ready to leave.” She waved and left the room.

“We also have cake in the fridge and presents downstairs,” Harry mentioned casually. He cut a piece of the pancakes and held it up to Louis’s mouth. “Open.”

Louis obeyed. “Harry, this is all too much.”

“Nuh uh,” Harry tutted. “It is your birthday and I am your boyfriend, therefore, it is my job to spoil you.”

So, yeah, that night, Harry halfway wished he had never been born because seeing the way Louis reacted to the simply gifts was difficult.

On Harry’s sweet sixteen, Louis surprised Harry with breakfast in bed.

“Now that it’s your birthday, it’s my turn to spoil you.”

“You really don’t have to, Lou,” Harry protested, but Louis kissed him to shut him up.

Louis seemed overwhelmed with the plans for the day, so Harry insisted it was okay if they just stayed home and watched Disney movies. And if the wish of never being born passed through Harry’s mind when he blew out his candles, well, who would find out?

Harry woke up in the guest bedroom the next morning, dazed and confused. Louis was nowhere to be seen. He walked downstairs and saw his mum drinking coffee at the table.

“Hey, mum, where’s Lou?” he asked. His mum didn’t respond. “Mum? Mum!” He waved his hands in front of her face.

“She can’t hear you.”

The unknown voice made Harry turn around quickly. “Who are you and why are you here?”

“You can call me Spirit,” the man said, “and I’m here because you wished you were never born. I get to show you what the world will be like without you.”

“Not much will change,” Harry muttered. “Mum only has Gemma.”

“Don’t say that just yet,” Spirit said. “Let’s go check on your friend Louis, yeah?”

Harry’s head snapped up. “Louis?”

Harry blinked and suddenly they were in the park. Louis was sat against a tree, silently crying. Nobody even bothered to ask if he was okay.

“Louis!” Harry yelled.

“It’s no use, he can’t hear you,” Spirit said. “I’m the only one who can. You don’t exist here, Harry. You never have. Louis never met you.”

Harry blinked again and this time, they ended up in a house he’d never seen before.

“Where-?”

“Louis, get your ass down here right now!” Kevin yelled. Harry looked up to see him standing by the sink with an evil grin. Louis walked into the kitchen. “I thought I told you to do the dishes.”

“I did,” Louis responded. “I made sure they were done before I went upstairs.”

“Then explain this,” Kevin said. He pointed to the single coffee mug that was in the sink.

“I’m sorry,” Louis mumbled.

There was a loud smack when Kevin’s hand collided with Louis’s face. Louis didn’t make a noise, but Harry screamed.

“No, no, no! Why are you showing me this?”

“Because this is what Louis has to deal with without you,” Spirit said. “Look at him. Does he look like the thirteen year old you met in the park?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Because he’s eighteen, Harry,” Spirit interrupted. “He’s still in this house because he never met you and never left when he was seventeen. He’s still here and he’ll be here for the rest of his life because you were never born.”

“Not the rest of his life, right?” Harry asked weakly. “I mean, he’ll get out soon, right?”

“I wish I could say yes.”

When Harry looked up, they were in Louis’s room. Louis was silently crying again, looking for something in his drawer. He pulled out a blade. Realization hit Harry and his stomach dropped. He felt sick.

“Please don’t make me watch this,” Harry begged. “Please, anything but this!”

But Spirit didn’t answer him. He only stared ahead as Louis took his shirt off.

“Stupid and worthless,” Louis muttered as he swiped the blade across his stomach again and again. “That’s all you’ll ever be, Louis. Stupid and worthless.”

Harry closed his eyes. He couldn’t watch anymore. It was too much. His stomach clenched and his eyes watered.

When he opened his eyes, Louis wasn’t there anymore.

“What-“

“Check the date, Harry.”

It was the day before Louis’s 20th birthday. 

“He’s still here?” Harry inquired. “Why hasn’t he left? Gone to Uni or something?”

“He’s scared,” Spirit replied. “He never had you to encourage him.”

Just then, Louis burst into the room and slammed his door shut. There was a bruise forming on his jaw and his lip was bleeding, just like the second time Harry saw him.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he whispered. He sat as his desk and started writing in his journal. Harry couldn’t help but look over his shoulder.

“Mum, I’m so sorry it had to end like this. I love you and the girls so much. Never forget me, okay? I’ll miss you and I’m sorry. Goodbye, mum.

Love, Louis.”

“No,” Harry whispered. “No. No, no, no! Louis, what are you doing?”

Louis walked over to his bed and pulled the pistol he swiped from Kevin out from under the mattress.

“Louis, stop!” Harry yelled. “Where the hell did you even get a gun? Louis, please don’t! You have so much potential. Just leave this house!”

“It’s no use, he can’t hear you,” Spirit reminded him.

“Spirit, do something!” Harry begged. “Don’t let him do this, don’t make me watch!”

Harry continued to beg while Louis raised the gun to his head. He smiled a sick smile and pulled the trigger. Louis fell. Harry screamed.

“Louis!” He tried to run over to Louis’s body, but he was frozen in his place.

“Is this what you wanted, Harry?” Spirit asked loudly. “You wished you were never born. You didn’t want to watch Louis suffer. Is this really so much better? Louis’s dead without you, Harry, dead! This is what you wished for!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Harry sobbed. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. Please, just please make things the way they were. I’ll never wish anything like that ever again. Please!”

Harry was sobbing hysterically. He felt someone shaking him.

“No, please, just change things back!” Harry cried.

“Harry? Hazza, wake up, it was just a bad dream, love,” Louis stated. “Haz, wake up!”

Harry sat up quickly, breathing ragged.

“Harry, are you okay?” Louis asked.

“Oh my god, Louis!” Harry exclaimed. He pulled Louis in and started sobbing on his shoulder.

“It was just a bad dream, Hazza, shh, it’s okay.” Louis rubbed his back soothingly.

“It was horrible,” Harry whined. “Absolutely horrible.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Harry sniffed. “We-We never met,” Harry explained. “And you had to stay at your step-dad’s. But I was there to see everything, but you couldn’t hear me or see me. And it was the day before your 20th birthday. You wrote a l-letter for your mum and s-sisters.” Harry bit his lip to keep from sobbing again, but it was useless. Louis pulled him closer. “Then you pulled a pistol from under your mattress, and I don’t even know where you got the damn pistol, but you put it up to your head and you-you-“ Harry broke off in sobs.

“Shh, baby, calm down,” Louis spoke quietly. “I’m here. I’m okay. You saved me, Harry. You really did.”

“God, I just l-love you so m-much, Louis,” Harry stammered. “I honestly do.”

“And I love you, too,” Louis assured.

“I’m never leaving you,” Harry mumbled against Louis’s chest. “Never ever ever.”

“And I will never leave you,” Louis promised. “Let’s go back to sleep now, yeah?”

Harry nodded and let Louis cuddle him.

Louis was beside Harry. Louis was alive and that’s all Harry could really ask for.

And the thought of never being born never crossed his mind again.


End file.
